Marriages are the official permission from society and parents to live together with someone as a couple, in the eyes of everyone. It is a validation and approval from the people of the society. Getting married means committing to being together for a lifetime. Marriages in our society are huge. They are expensive because we have to show off our money to get respect. Marriage is a choice!
When youngsters turn 23, society starts asking questions like, “beta shaadi kab kar rahe ho, Shaadi ki umar ho gayi hai tumhari, itni badi ho gayi hai aapki beti and so on.”
Our society treats शादी as if it is a compulsion, not an option. Hum shaadi aur bache paida karne ke liye hi janme hai aur shaadi karna bahut zaroori hai and this is regardless of your gender.
My sister got married at 25. I have to get married at that age because uske baad ache rishte nahi milte hai or shaadi karne ki sahi umar nikal jayegi.
Marriages – responsibilities or just fun?
I never understood the concept of marrying someone. According to me, marriages are only so that the individual does not have to die alone. It is for the knowledge that someone has got your back. You have a companion when you get old and you have someone to spend your life with. No boredom on lonely days.
Marriage comes with this full-fledged package, where you get a groom or bride and their entire families. You don’t just marry a person, but his/her entire family. Proper communication with everyone is under judgment. You have to take care of two families, not just one.
Marriages get so much hype in our society because of all the fictional novels, movies, television serials. Traditionally it wasn’t a big fat Indian wedding. Today, we have a bachelor party, Haldi ceremony, Mehendi ceremony, pre-wedding shoot, honeymoon, and so on. All this started because of the entertainment industry only. There is a huge difference between real life and reel life marriages. I say again, Marriage is a choice!
“Shaadi ka laddoo jo khaye, woh pachtaye. Aur jo nah khaye, woh bhi pachtaye.”. – is a common proverb. It means, if you get married, you will be disappointed. If you don’t get married, you will imagine doing so because marriages are beautiful. I don’t believe that all marriages are beautiful. Some marriages are not worth the time or money spent.
Why Is Marriage Required?
- To give birth to a child?: One can do that before marriage as well. But society won’t approve of that because it is immoral, according to them.
- To not die alone?: I came into this world alone!. What difference would it make if I die alone? Anyway, I can’t take anyone else with me into the afterlife or down into the Earth, I’ll go down alone.
- Because no one will marry you after you get old and you will look ugly.
- I turned 23 and this is the perfect age for me to marry. I won’t get good guys or girls after a certain age.
- What will society think?: Let them think whatever they want to think. I am independent now and I wanna live my life before I commit to someone, ‘Live your own life before becoming someone’s husband or wife’
Why are Marriages a Choice?
Not everyone wants to get married. Some people don’t want to get married until they find someone they love. Some people don’t believe in arranged marriages as it is risky. There are some people who can live their lives on their own. Some people don’t want to get married until they feel like doing so. Some people would rather die alone than marrying anyone.
Yahan khud ka hi khayal rakha nahi jaa raha hai, dusro ka kaise rakhu main?
I would like to learn how to cook for myself. Why cook only to fill someone else’s stomach? I can do all my stuff by myself. I know guys who won’t help in the kitchen, who won’t do their own laundry, who won’t help in any household chores. Marriages should not be done when people want us to get married, but when we are ready to do so.
Things I am tired of hearing –
- Hamari tabiyat sahi nahi rehti hai beta, time se shaadi karlo taaki hum free ho jaye. If this is the case, then don’t you want me to live with you? Don’t you want your children to be with you and you taking rest?
- Bade ho Gaye ho. Umar ho Gayi hai Shaadi ki. Why is there even a perfect age to get married? Serials inspire you so much on other things. Salman Khan is 50 and still not married.
- Learn how to cook. Why? because ladke ke ghar walo ko khana bana ke tujhe hi toh khilana hai. Why must girls know how to cook? Why shouldn’t guys? If you want to be independent, regardless of your gender, you must know how to cook.
- Ladkiyo ko padha kar kya karenge, aakhir kaam toh unhe kitchen me hi karna hai. Girls today are shining in most fields and you still think this. Jhulan Goswami, an Indian woman cricketer is 37 years old, and still not married. She is one of the leading wicket-takers in the world. Sushmita Sen adopted 2 girls and was a single parent for half her life.
- Shaadi toh karni hi padhegi. Kyu karni padhegi? Uske bina zinddgi nahi jeete hai kya log?
My marriage is my marriage, none of yours!
What Is The Real Problem Here?
The problem here is not marriage. Marriage is a choice! The problem is receiving unasked for responsibilities.
If I am a guy of marrying age, I have to earn for the family. I have to earn more because I will be the sole breadwinner for the family. If I am a girl of marrying age, I have to do all the household chores including, cooking and doing laundry. This is the general concept of our society. The problem is all these sick mentalities of society and the defined gender roles.
Inter Caste and inter-religion marriages are still taboo in our society. Girls are supposed to wear certain attires after marriages, like a saree or suit (boys toh abhi bhi apne ghar par hi hai). The gold, the dowry, the money, the food, the photoshoot, dresses, and everything in the marriage is a show-off. A place where we can spend Rs. 1lakh, we have to spend Rs. 40 lakh and plus. It is like a competition. If XYZ spent Rs. 50 lakh, I will spend Rs.1crore. Do a simple court marriage, if required.
What is the point in feeding the people, who will say – Matar Paneer mein Paneer nahi tha?
Meri marzi hai mein kab shaadi karu, mein shaadi karu ya na karu. Meri life hai, meri choice hai. I just want to say that, Shaadi tabhi karo, jab you feel like doing it. Don’t get married under family pressure. Problems, like divorce, accompany such marriages. Marriage doesn’t guarantee lifetime commitment. People can separate even after 10-15 years of marriage. Do you know why? Because Marriage is a choice!
Dear society, please let me decide my own marriage and my life. Please don’t interfere with my personal matters.
Women are breaking barriers today. Age is no barrier to success and Women are The Future of a country!
For the last time, Marriage is a choice, MY choice!